The devil, you say Did you hear they arrested the devil? Yeah, they got him on possession. 😫😆🤭

“There will be a meeting of the Church Board immediately after the service,” announced the pastor. After the close of the service, the Church Board gathered at the back of the sanctuary for the announced meeting. But a stranger was in their midst a visitor who had never attended their church. “My friend,” said the pastor, “Didn’t you understand that this is a meeting of the Board?” “Yes,” said the visitor, “and after today’s sermon, I suppose I’m just about as bored as anyone else who came to this meeting.” 😫😆😂🤭

WHO SAID LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE? The saying is thought to have originated in the King James Version of the Bible. It reads, “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.” The passage it comes from describes the value of being joyful, peaceful, and understanding. Consequently, it also decries “the fool” as a man who won’t adhere to these values.

A pessimist and an optimist There once were twin boys, age six, that had developed extreme personalities. One was a pessimist and the other a total optimist. Concerned, their parents took them to a psychiatrist. First, the psychiatrist treated the pessimist. Trying to brighten his outlook, the psychiatrist took him to a room filled with toys. But instead of yelping with delight, the little boy burst into tears. “What’s the matter?” the psychiatrist asked. “Don’t you want to play with any of the toys?” “Yes,” the little boy bawled, “but if I did I’d only break them.” Next, the psychiatrist treated the optimist. Trying to dampen his out look, the psychiatrist took him to a room piled to the ceiling with horse manure. But instead of wrinkling his nose in disgust, the optimist climbed to the top of the pile, and began gleefully digging out scoop after scoop with his bare hands. “What are you doing?” the baffled psychiatrist asked. The little boy replied, “With all this manure, there must be a pony in here somewhere!” Bwahahahahaha!

Always complaining Every 10 years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words. Ten years go by and it’s one monk’s first chance. He thinks for a second before saying, “Food bad.” Ten years later, he says, “Bed hard.” It’s the big day, a decade later. He gives the head monk a long stare and says, “I quit.” “I’m not surprised,” the head monk says. “You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.” 😫😂😆🤭

God’s miracle A priest is driving along a country road when a trooper pulls him over. He immediately smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and notices an empty wine bottle in the car. He says: “Have you been drinking?” “Just water,” says the priest. The cop replies: “Then why do I smell wine?” The priest looks at the bottle and says: “Good Lord! He’s done it again!” 😫😆😂🤣

Between the snake pit🐍 🐍Snake 1: Are we poisonous? 🐍Snake 2: I don’t know. Why? Snake 1: I just bit my lip. 🤣😂😆🤭

Ultimate doom After a husband and wife have a heated argument, the wife calls her mother. “He fought with me again! I’m coming over to live with you.” To which her mother replies, “No, no, darling. He must pay for his mistake. I’m coming to live with you.” 😆🤭😂🤣

I asked my grandpa why he wrote his cellphone number on the back of the phone? He answered, “So if it gets lost, someone can call that number and find me,” he said! 😆😆😫🤭😂🤣

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. “I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?” The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?” 🤭🤣😫

I asked the butcher to give me some t-bones, but instead he gave me sirloins. It was only when I got home that I realised he’d made a mis-steak. 🤣😂😫🤭