Which underwear brand do seniors love best? It Depends. 😫😆🤭

How is the moon like dentures? Both come out at night. 😫🤣😆

Bickering with your spouse is like trying to read the Terms of Use for a new service. In the end, you just give up and click “I agree.” 🤗😎🤩🤣😆

After a big fight, my wife yelled at me, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.” So I replied, “That may be true, but I was in love and didn’t notice it.” 🤩😫😆🤣

Why do retirees smile so much? Because they can’t hear a word you’re saying.🍈 😫😆🤣🦻

How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb? One, but it’ll take all day.💡 🥴😫😆🤣

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.” “I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.” They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.” 😫🤭🥴🔪😆

Teacher’s pest Math teacher: If I have three bottles in one hand and two in the other hand, what do I have? Student: A drinking problem. 😫🥴🤭😆

In bad taste😰 A vegan said to me, “People who sell meat are gross!” I said, “People who sell veggies are grocer.”🤮 🤣🥴😫😆

With age comes wisdom “Have children while your parents are young enough to take care of them.” 🤭🤣😆🥴

Panicking poodle A poodle and a collie are walking together when the poodle suddenly unloads on his friend. “My life is a mess,” he says. “My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a schnauzer, and I’m as jittery as a cat.” “Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” suggests the collie. “I can’t,” says the poodle. “I’m not allowed on the couch.” 😫🤣🥴😆🐩

Down to size During the pandemic, my two granddaughters—six and eight years old—were being home-schooled by their mom. One day, the eight-year-old had a spelling bee with her sister. “Spell ‘elephant,’” the older one said. “Let her spell small animals, not big ones,” said her mom. The older sister paused, then said, “Spell ‘mosquito.” 🤣🤭🥴😆😫

A man with no arms is homeless and looking for a job. He goes to the pastor in his local church one morning and says, “Pastor, I am in desperate need of work. Is there any kind of job you can give me, despite my obvious disability?” The pastor, with a cheeky grin, points to the churches bell tower and says, “You see that bell up in the tower? If you can ring that for me every day precisely at noon, I will pay you $20 a day. Can you do that for me?” The no armed man hesitates, but the offer of $20 a day sounds too promising, so he agrees. Later that day, he makes his way up to the bell tower but alas, cannot pull the rope for obvious reasons. However, he does not give up. Being a quick thinker, the man takes a stance in front of the bell, and begins repeatedly bashing his face into the bell. Success! the bell rings on the strike of noon, and a slightly dizzy no armed man returns downstairs, where a very confused pastor lives up to his promise and grants him $20. This process continues for several weeks. Every day at noon, the man would head to the bell tower and bash his face into the solid metal for it to chime, and then the pastor would pay him. Over time, however, this method began damaging the man’s head, both inside and out. Bruises were always constant, and the pastor began noticing the man would slur his speech, look deranged and have trouble walking in a straight line. But there were no complaints, and the man, though a bit slower by the day, was still getting paid happily, so it continued. On one fateful day, however, the man once again staggers up the stairs to reach the bell tower as noon approached. He took his normal stance, ready to smash his head once again into the giant chiming machine. However, on this fateful day, he succumbs to the damage, and as he charges at the bell, he staggers so much that he completely misses the target. His momentum takes him right over the shallow wall of the tower and he plummets to the ground. He is killed instantly. A crowd of people begin to gather around the no armed man’s body, including a police officer. A woman looks at the body, horrified, and asks, “Oh my god, does anybody know who this man is?” The police officer looks at the dead man and replies, “I don’t know him, but his face rings a bell.” 😆😫🤣🥴🤭