Jeff please ponder the way Jesus horrible hang on the cross. He was innocent.

Dear Jeff,

As my coffee was brewing this morning, I was fixing the daisies and yellow roses I bought yesterday at Trader Joe’s (my favorite market in town) and I thought about a song entitled, “The Garden”, by Kari Jobe, as your words weighed heavy on my heart. On Easter morning 2023, my mom was in comfort care leaving this world. Out of the blue this song began to play on my Spotify! I had NEVER heard it before. Kari sings: I had all but given up, desperate for a sign from love…something good, something kind, bringing peace to every corner of my mind…then I saw the garden…hope had come to me, to sweep away the ashes and wake me from my sleep. I realized You never left, and for this moment, You planned ahead…that I would see Your faithfulness in all of the green. I can see the ivy growing through the walls, ’cause You will stop at nothing to heal my broken soul. Oh, You’re healing broken souls…You’re healing broken souls…Faith is rising up like ivy reaching for the light…Hope is stirring deep inside me making all things right. Love is lifting me from sorrow catching every tear…Dispelling every lie and torment crushing all my fears…You crush all my fears…With Your perfect love…Oh with Your perfect love…Now I see redemption growing in the trees…the death and resurrection in every single seed. I had no doubt in my mind that God had this song play to tell us He was healing our broken family. I played this song for my mom over and over and over that day. One thing that moved me deeply in my soul is how Kari sings: Love is dispelling every LIE and TORMENT. The enemy would like nothing more than to destroy us with lies, tormenting our souls. Lies like we aren’t loved, no one cares about us, we’ll never have friends, no one would care if we’re gone, etc. To think that one person can create so much pain is interesting to me when you share about your ex-wife. You see, I have the same struggle. Even though my ex-husband also did awful things, leading to the death of our oldest son almost 17 years ago, I realized this past year that I am carrying more anger towards my father for things he did to us. He’s been gone over 14 years now; his birthday actually was yesterday. He would have been 88 years old. ☹ I’ve been actively working on forgiving him because I don’t want to die a bitter woman. I also know we all need mercy. I have occasionally written on here about my story and you’re absolutely right – – this is not a competition about who has more pain in their life. I’ve been divorced for 22+ years now. Most people who get divorced or lose a spouse earlier in life typically are remarried within a reasonable amount of time. Not so for me. Yesterday I asked someone if there’s still hope for me, even though I’m completely content alone too. Back to the flowers for a moment. The year after my divorce, I read a little book about different things we can do to bring joy into our lives. Buying fresh flowers for our home was one of them. When I was married, I NEVER bought fresh flowers. We were a military family and money was really tight. Through the years I’ve realized flowers are reasonably priced and so every now & then, I’ve bought them to brighten my home. There’s something about having something alive in your home that makes you feel more alive. Since my mom has passed, I buy flowers every week at Trader Joe’s and I put them next to her picture on my kitchen counter. I like to say, “Beautiful flowers for my beautiful mother”…. Of course I got her flowers when she was alive, but she really didn’t care so much except on Mother’s Day when we were young. We would always cut flowers from our rose bush in the back yard and take to her and our maternal grandmother, who helped raise four teenagers in the 80s. There have been times in my life when I’ve thought about being in a field of flowers when I die because of the indescribable beauty. Regarding social media, I despise what it has done to our society and how it isolates us. I got back on FB last Sunday to find a family friend who lost her father and sister within the past 4 years. I felt just as lost as ever. While I’m so grateful I found DAB this past December 31, I feel lost here too. How do people connect? And while I agree somewhat with what David said regarding the Lord being our friend, we need people we can see and interact with face-to-face on a daily basis! One thing I learned in 2020-21 was that we are not meant to be isolated! And we aren’t supposed to die alone! You are not alone in your feelings! I completely get what you have conveyed! Please know that there are friends out there for you. I struggle to read posts when there are multiple grammatical errors. This is not to put anyone down. I’m just saying you communicate well. Lastly, don’t apologize for ‘dumping’ on anyone here. If we can’t come to the prayer wall with our pain, then there’s a serious problem! There should be absolutely NO judgement!

With love,

LivingAgain

I forgot to say what the song is: Breakthrough by Red Rocks Worship ☺️ I am weary from the waves Crashing over every day God of mercy, please come rescue me I am longing for Your voice Gentle whisper in the noise Father, tell me everything’s all right, yeah Your power and Your presence Breaks strongholds, King of Heaven When You speak, mountains move I believe there will be breakthrough, yeah Oh, I know it, I know it You are moving now, yeah You alone can take my scars And piece by piece restore my heart Take what’s broken, make it whole again, oh ‘Cause Your power and Your presence Breaks strongholds, King of Heaven When You speak, mountains move I believe there will be breakthrough, oh, oh There will be breakthrough, oh Shake the mountains, break the walls apart Open the Heavens, Almighty God, You are Overcomer, Defender of my heart It’s who You are, God, oh By Your power, the oceans open wide Your fire falls down, Heaven and Earth collide King Jesus, forever by my side Shake the mountains, yeah Shake the mountains, break the walls apart Open the Heavens, Almighty God, You are Overcomer, Defender of my heart Oh, yeah And by Your power, the oceans open wide Your fire falls down, Heaven and Earth collide King Jesus, forever by my side, yeah Your power and Your presence Breaks strongholds, King of Heaven When You speak, mountains move I believe there will be breakthrough And Your power, and Your presence Breaks strongholds, King of Heaven When You speak, mountains move I believe there will be breakthrough, yeah Yeah There will be breakthrough Now I know, I know, I know There will be breakthrough Yeah I know You’re moving now, God I know You’re healing now, God You’re moving, You’re healing, You’re speaking Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah There will be victory There will be victory I know, I know, I know (Yeah) Yeah There will be, there will be victory here There will be, there will be victory here There will be, there will be victory, oh There will be, there will be victory here There will be, there will be victory here There will be, there will be victory, yeah I know, I know, yeah There will be, come on, (There will be victory here) There will be, there will be victory here There will be, there will be victory, oh, yeah There will be, there will be victory here There will be, there will be victory here There will be, there will be victory here, yeah We believe, shake the mountains Shake the mountains, you sing, (Break the walls apart) (Open the Heavens, Almighty God, You are) Overcomer, (Defender of my heart), yeah Come on And by Your power, the oceans open wide Your fire falls down, Heaven and Earth collide King Jesus, forever by my side Shake the mountains, shake the mountains Shake the mountains, (Break the walls apart) (Open the Heavens), Almighty God, You are Overcomer, Defender of my heart By Your power, by Your power, yeah And by Your power, the oceans open wide (Your fire falls down, Heaven and Earth collide) King Jesus, forever by my side, yeah Bring Your power, bring Your presence Breaks strongholds, King of Heaven When You speak, mountains move I believe there will be breakthrough, yeah (There will be breakthrough) We know, we know, we know That there will be breakthrough, yeah There will be breakthrough

Hi Jeff, I am praying for this dark night of the soul you are going through. Many Christians over the centuries have written great books to reflect their own journeys of pain and suffering and eventually reflect on God’s goodness and presence. There is so much positive and encouraging to say in response to your post. I will stick to one, that has helped me in my own passage through a recent valley of shadow of death: as Christians we live out our faith on a battlefield caused by the fall of mankind…but we know how the war ends. Another song that helped me, was “Hold on” by Bethel Church Music.