Hello my DAB family. I’m gonna warn you now, this is going to get pretty deep and a bit dark. Just want whoever is reading this right now to know upfront what they’re getting into with this prayer request.

Where to begin? I guess I’ll just talk about right now because, I could go waaaay back but it wouldn’t be what this particular prayer request is about. I am struggling a lot with this heavy, dark-cloud hanging over my head following me everywhere I go, level of depression that I don’t think I’ve ever felt before. I have struggled with depression in my past but not like this. It is like I’m literally being swallowed up whole by the enemy. I am a people pleaser at heart. I have been focusing all or most of my attention on pleasing other people which, in and of itself, is not a bad thing; but by doing that I have not allowed myself to properly feel and heal from all of the negative, damaging things that have been said and done to me. For the past 10 years, I have unknowingly allowed myself to be emotionally, spiritually, physically, and verbally abused by my ex-wife. I am a Jesus follower and have been since I was 12 years old. I am now 41. I always took dating very seriously because I believe that people aren’t toys to be played with and thrown away. I married my wife (Molly) with the full intention to stay married to her “till death do us part”. I took my wedding vows very seriously. Well, a few years ago, while I was working as a semi Truck Driver, hauling freight all over this beautiful country, I came to find out while I was working hard to provide for my family, that Molly was talking and flirting with other men through social media. She told me about it while I was home for “home-time”. It was only for 36 hours before I would need to get back in my truck and set sail again to wherever the freight took me. After hearing about this, I didn’t know how to take it or even process it. I decided to give her another chance by forgiving her in full, never to bring it up again. I didn’t set ground rules for how she was to proceed from then on. Now I wish I had because, what I didn’t know then is, that was setting things up to fester distrust between us from then on. Please bear with me as I don’t really know how to even begin talking about this as it has had such a devastating affect on me, what’s left of my family, and my health. Also, I know I’ve mentioned this before to those who can remember but I am still struggling immensely. My wife left me last July and took the kids with her to her brother’s house in Indiana. I live in Oklahoma. This happened after she came back from visiting him for 5+ weeks. I couldn’t wait for her and the boys to come back home. I was so extremely excited I couldn’t hardly contain myself!! But, when she finally got home, I couldn’t even recognize her. She acted like she was going to a funeral or something and would not talk to me. Well, I decided to focus on my boys who I hadn’t seen for that long. They were happy to see their dad even after being forced to ride in an electric truck for 12+ hours! I think they had to stop and recharge it every 2-hours or so. That gave them a little break in between drives but I’m sure it made things extra stressful. Anyway, moving forward. Over the course of the next 24-hours, Molly acted so very strange. It was almost as if she was in some kind of trance or something. Well, while we were sitting at the kitchen table eating lunch, I tried to strike up a conversation with Molly as best I could. I’m not very good with people socially. She acted as if I hadn’t said a word and proceeded to stare at the wall. I said, “Molly, did you hear what I said”? to which she replied with, “I’m trying not to say anything”. I was really perplexed as to why she was acting this way. Then my littlest boy said, “Daddy, why are you so sad”? I said, “Because momma wont talk to me”. I started crying and couldn’t think of a single reason she should be treating me this way so I got upset but kept it all together, tried multiple times to try to get some kind of conversation going. She accused me of complaining about everything which was completely untrue. She was the one complaining. Anyway I don’t really know what I’m doing on here. Ever since Molly decided to leave me, I have been in this continued state of shock and depression. I tried reaching out to the local church to help me, pray for me, thought at one point I was going to have lunch with the pastor, never happened. Finally got to have lunch with a couple from a different church but the guy acted really strange and left me at the table because he needed to leave right away. Not real sure what that was about but I have had the most difficult time trying to make friends and connect with anybody at church that I have opted to stay away from them all until I can find a truly biblical church focusing more on Jesus Christ and the Bible instead of books written by men and filler programs. I have been rejected by just about every person I have met since graduating high school. No joke. So needless to say I feel completely rejected by all men, by my ex-wife and her entire family, by my sister who won’t talk to me for whatever reason, and people in society. I feel like yelling, “unclean, unclean”! everywhere I go. I feel like a leper must have felt back in the day. Everyday I wake up, I feel like going back to sleep again, (but I usually don’t), due to the immense level of pain I feel over Molly leaving me while I was sick and couldn’t take care of myself. What she’s done to my precious little boys is unspeakable. The enemy bombards me with heaps of guilt and shame over what happened. The truth is, I did absolutely everything in my power to prevent the divorce from happening but to no avail. God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Please hear me, I’m not making light of that passage of scripture. It is truly how I feel. I have 0 friends, no family other than my mom, no church home, no place to belong or feel accepted. No work either, due to the fallout of trying to get on disability for the past 5 years! Now, for the first time in my life, I have a major employment gap which cannot be explained so long as I have to apply via the internet. Even when I did explain it, nobody hired me. I am now living at home (mom’s house) without a job and am making child-support payments by the assistance of the only living person who has ever given me the time of day, my mom. I hate, loathe accepting money from her as I know just how much she needs it. I love her so very much. I can’t get work. I have a plan that I intend to carry out once the house sells but everything is at a halt until that house sells. I have plans to go back to school to become a certified inspector and maintenance tech. Both jobs would pay me plenty well. I just can’t get there until the house sells because the school and lodging is expensive. I am not a deadbeat, slacker, free-rider, etc. I am a hard working individual that can’t get work due to my situation. Now that God has graciously and miraculously healed me of Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, there’s absolutely NO reason I can’t work other than the position I find myself in right now and the opinions and policies of perspective employers. I have ASD(Autistic Spectrum Disorder) so that isn’t helping me find, get, and keep work either. There are real, solid and concrete reasons I don’t have work. This looks like yet another prayer request I should post but have posted a related one already. Well, if you wouldn’t mind, please join me in praying about my living and working situation in addition to praying about my chronic battles with depression, anxiety, rejection, and feelings of worthlessness. My apologies for unloading so much for you all to take in. I pray you all have a wonderful and blessed day.